**** - I gave birth to my first child in March this year. On the whole I thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant and am genuinely looking forward to my next go at it (mad, I know.) I spent the months planning her arrival, reading everything I could, trawling through online support groups and trying to figure out my parenting style, while reminding myself to remain flexible. What I didn't enjoy during this time was my husband. While everyone around me was happy and excited, my husband was not really interested in my pregnancy and had no interest in learning about babies. He didn't want to pick up a single book and got squeamish with the details.
Now that bub is here, my husband works and I stay home with Little One, doing the majority of care-giving and the housework, whether husband is home or not. He works 40 hours a week, and I work 168 hours a week, on-call. At some point, I began to ask myself if it was normal for mothers to want to drop-kick their husbands the second they walk in the front door, or to fantasize about packing up and leaving him behind while me and the baby ride off into the sunset. My friends in my Mothers Group all advised that the same thing was happening in their homes and they felt the exact same way.
None of the baby books I had read mentioned this phenomenon. Why did nobody warn the mothers-to-be of the incredible strain that parenthood can put on your bond with your partner? While I am at it, there are several things that the books don't cover. The pressure of social media on parenting; the fact that you constantly vaguely smell of baby vomit; that emotion that you feel when it is 3am and the baby is still crying and you are overwhelmed with both love and a desperate rage. Shouldn't there be somebody out there warning us all? Perhaps a guardian angel who can pop in with a quick disclaimer before D-Day? Or at the very least, making us feel like we aren't so strange for being so not the perfect, benevolent mother and partner that we thought we'd be.
Constance Hall is that guardian angel. Her Facebook page is a hub for women to share their frustrations, to laugh at themselves and their experiences, and feel connected to other mothers (or, as she refers to us, Queens.) She shares her personal experiences of life with her husband and 4 children and has created a safe online space for lost women to find their proverbial crowns and see themselves as the brilliant creatures that they are. And the best part: she has written an entire book to help guide us through this beautiful and difficult time; from staring daggers at your husband while he sleeps and you rock a baby who you're pretty sure hates you, to finding your inner royalty and realising that there's no such thing as perfect (but whatever you're doing is close.)
Like A Queen is part memoir, part musing. It is not a how-to guide or a trouble-shooting manual for parenthood. It is a collection of stories and anecdotes that combine to give you a sense of who Constance Hall is as a person, the journey that she has been on to become her Queenly self, and an insight into how she views other women. She hides nothing about her faults and failures, writing with a brutal honesty which is endearing and reassuring. Through her words, she feels like a trusted and valued friend. The reader can empathise with her stories and observations, and in a world where we often feel so very judged, the experience is truly cathartic.
This book is a labour of love and in reading it, you enter the wonderful world of Constance Hall, where all women are Queens and can laugh, love and empathise with one another. It is a fast and easy read, light-hearted enough that the depth won't drag you down. I highly recommend this book for any Queen (expectant mothers, new mothers, mothers who have lost their crowns, mothers who are rocking it but want to join the growing fold) and have already offered to lend it out to my Mothers Group.
If you would like to buy a copy for yourself or gift it to a Queen in your life, you can pre-order at http://likeaqueen.com.au/ (shipping only to Australia & NZ only at this stage).
No comments:
Post a Comment